Impolite guy

A beautiful woman goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, I can't help it. Every time I meet an impolite guy, I must immediately have sex with him."

The doctor responded, "Shut up, you whore!"

Psycho humor

Psychiatric Hot-line.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 4.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 1, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

Multiple personality sufferer

What do you ask a multiple personality sufferer after sex?

"Well, was it good for you guys, too?"

Penile inadequacy

Do you know the difference between a healthy man and one obsessed with penile inadequacy? Of course, not.

Psychiatrist and prostitute

What's the difference between a psychiatrist and a prostitute?

About $20.

Push-up bra fuse box

A psychiatrist interviews a patient recovering from a head injury. When asked if the patient had any long-term side effects, he answered, "I'm fine. I used to use the wrong words in a sentence on occasion, but now I'm push-up bra fuse box Hubert Humphrey."

Have you ever had the hump of a camel?

A middle-aged man went to a therapist while facing a mid-life crisis. The doctor encouraged him to get out into the world and travel: "Experience new places. Eat new foods. In my life, I've eaten shark and snake. Have you ever had the hump of a camel?"

The patient replied: "No, but when I was younger, I was pretty good."