Making a sentence with colours

One day in a language school in Australia

Teacher : "All right, now I'd like you to make a sentence using the words GREEN, PINK and YELLOW. Who'd like to try?"

A student raised his hand. It was Kukoya from Japan.
Kukoya : "Early this morning, I looked out the window, I saw the GREEN grass and PINK roses in the garden. I went outside and I feel the warm YELLOW sunlight around me"

Teacher : "Not bad. Okay, who's next?"

Another student raised his hand. It was Ah Beng from Singapore.

Ah Beng : "I try! I try. Can aaah?"

Teacher : "No, no, not you"

Ah Beng : "Aaaiiyaaa... let me try lah... I can do lah... you think I'm stup** meeh..?"

Teacher : "Okay.. go ahead"

Ah Beng : "This morning I heard the phone GREEEEEN... GREEEEEN... I PINK up" and I said "YELOOOOW...."

Teacher ?.....??

Marriage life

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop ... but at the bar... You know ... they have frozen glasses... "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be! right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

"But my sweet honey... at the bar. you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"

and....they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story? :D

Be specific - Tampon

*** A tampon is a mass of cotton or rayon; or a mixture of the two inserted into a body cavity or wound to absorb bodily fluid. The most common type in daily use (and the topic of the remainder of this article) is disposable and designed to be inserted into the vagina during menstruation to absorb the flow of blood. Several countries, including the United States, under the banner of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) regulate tampons as medical devices.

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is eight years old and the other one is five years old. The eight year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout.

The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"

The eight-year-old replies "Nope, not for my mom."

Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?"

The eight year old quickly responded, "Nope, not for my sister either."

The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?"

The eight year old says, "They're for my five year old little brother."

The cashier is surprised "Your five year old little brother?"

The eight year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"

Never lie to your mum

Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.


So he sat down and wrote

DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M
NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS
THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PETER


Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read

DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING
THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE
WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING
PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM

I will eat the horse manure

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning" said the young man.

"If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away", said the old lady. "I haven't got any money. I'm broke", and she proceeded to closer the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door, and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty", he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

Before and after marriage

Before marriage. .
Darling here.. darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... baling there...

Before marriage. .
U DIE, i'll die with u .
After marriage.
"U die, up to u. "

Before marriage...
U go anywhere... I follow u...
After marriage. . .
U go anywhere. . up to u.
soo long married. . .
I go anywhere... better no u.!!

Before wedding
u are my heart, u are my love"
After wedding
"u get on my nerves. "

Before wedding
"u are sweet and kind just like
Cinderella"
After wedding
"u are worse than godzila"

Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Like it or not, I'm
stuck with u
After wedding
Roses are dead, I watch blue. U get on
my head, I
will sue u

Before wedding
Every dating he brings u to Shangri-La
After wedding
U want to go, he says u 'wait-la'

Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether 'katak or
biawak'

Sharp, ecruciating pain

Patient to the eye doctor: "Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain."
"Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking."

Salary Increase

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!




Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

Marian $hih







The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:

Dear Marian


I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.


Yours truly,
Manager

Clearer spots

Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

The engineers and accountants

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please".
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.
The conductor took it and moved on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."