Jokes: Damn funny staff memo

Probably suits the AIG in America.


To: All Staff,

As you know, the realities of the downturn have hit home and I am forced to introduce the following cost-cutting measures to help shore up our beloved company. I know you will understand that the pain is temporary and the gains will be there for all of us to reap when the company comes through these difficult times stronger... and ready to ride the next big wave. So with immediate effect, all staff will be required to adhere to the following:

a. The cups on the two vending machines are to be recycled. Annabelle has already serialised them.

b. Sabbatical leave: Executives booked for New York will now go to Kukup in Johor Bahru instead. Senior executives can go further - up to Yong Peng.

c. Our chalet lease in Pulau Ubin has ended. However, as the management takes a keen interest in staff welfare, we have arranged with Francis (from Admin Dept) to rent out one of his rooms at Blk 923, Pasir Ris Drive. His flat was chosen for its proximity to the sea and you can still see Ubin from the window.

d. Entertainment claims: Staff will be required to go for a 30-min demonstration by Raj from Finance Dept, who will show you how to withdraw your credit card slowly from your wallet (58 secs), so that others at a business lunch will inadvertently beat you to it when the bill comes.

e. The Valentine's Day white chocolates (Deluxeur) which I gave out in January : Those of you who have yet to open the box, please return them expiry date: Dec 2009).

f. Monthly Best Employee Award : The $1000 cash award will now be replaced by a box of Deluxeur white chocolates.

g. Annual Best Employee Award : The 14-day Disneyland/Hawaii tour and solid gold Rolex Oyster watch will be replaced by TWO boxes of Deluxeur white chocolates.

h. Medical: The Oxfordshire-Hopkins Medical Group will no more be on our panel. Annabelle will give you the address of Hong Tong Hong Medical Hall in Sungei Road. Bring you company pass for a 10% discount.

i. Country Club Memberships : Senior executives must return their membership cards to Annabelle, who will then register your name with Bishan Community Centre.

j. Transport Allowance : No reduction of rate! However, it will be paid on alternate months.

k. Gifts for clients : New choices. The Bohemian Crystal list will be replaced by the one from 7-eleven.

l. Annual Dinner & Dance : No change (March 20, yay!), but the venue is switched from The Ritz-Carlton to the void deck of Annabelle's flat in Ang Mo Kio Avenue 10.

m. Bonus : This time, staff welfare comes first! Instead of the usual amount, we raised it up to $2 million. Each employee will be given a Singapore Sweep ticket. The draw is on March 5.


From: Chief Financial Officer