Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about
his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When
the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card
and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the
barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community
service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when
the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts
waiting for him at his door.

Then a UMNOputra came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the
barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community
service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next
morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen UMNO putras lined up
waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the
citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

GIRL IN BIKINI

Indian LOGIC

Water is precious
Save water
Drink beer


People who drink, get drunk
People who get drunk, go to sleep
People who go to sleep, do no sin
People who do no sin, go to heaven
So.. so let us all drink, and go to heaven!

Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

TAKING A WOMAN TO BED!

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78?

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

Buy mum

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ....'

Police Station Jokes

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him"

Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

TV jokes

The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'

Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

Giving up

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.'

"What's the matter," asked Larry "Giving up?"

Crazy Japanese Guy

Go around shouting at people to scare them.

Stupid stands up

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'

After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'

'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Prank on washroom

Both are female washrooms? LOL

Cute and Funny Chinese Cartoon

It's in Chinese. The world is coming to an end and all the celebrities are revealing their true selves on the television programme. When the last guy, the magician, shows his true supernatural power by saving the Earth, the other celebrities quickly change back to their usual fake forms.

Taylor Swift Parody- I'm So Hungry

Jaymes and Nathan Conquer Taylor Swift

lyrics:
You're all alone and you're pacing back and forth.
You had your dinner but you probably want some more.
You think about taking a trip to IHOP
I'm chillin out watching old reruns of scrubs.
I ate a pizza but I wanna go get more grub.
I was thinkin maybe we could carpool to IHOP

Make no mistake. I want pancakes.
I'm thinkin' breakfast even though it's gettin kinda late.
I don't have a car and IHOP is kinda far
I could use a ride because....I don't have a car

If we had telephones you'd know I wanted food too
But you closed your curtains before I could tell you
We should get a bite to eat. I'm so hungry

O I remember I wrote down that I'm hungry
But I didn't show you. Probably shoulda shown you.
Then we'd be at IHOP, but we're not at IHOP
and I'm really starving. I should buy a car
Then I wouldn't need a ride.

I must admit sometimes It's hard to understand you.
We should both get cell phones...or just....open the window.
We should get a bite to eat.

Parody of Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me ("Just A Zombie")

Parody of Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me ("Just A Zombie")

Office lady asks for the paper from her boss

Sorry.. this video is in Mandarin but you sure can get the meaning from the actions.

Office lady asks for the paper from her boss repeatedly.
Why??

Testing the guys with upskirt

Watch their reactions when the girl went up...

Psychology graduate student

You just might be a psychology graduate student if...

...you spend more on books than on tuition.
...you actually hope your professor assigns homework.
...you get a 4 hour final with 5 questions or less.
...the words "free time" are unfamiliar to you.
...you spend Saturday morning waiting for the library to open.
...you've memorized your professors' home phone numbers.
...your professors know your home phone number.
...more than 25% of your textbook is "left as an exercise for the reader."
...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
...you have ever brought a homework to a bar.
...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.

Impolite guy

A beautiful woman goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, I can't help it. Every time I meet an impolite guy, I must immediately have sex with him."

The doctor responded, "Shut up, you whore!"

Psycho humor

Psychiatric Hot-line.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 4.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 1, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

Multiple personality sufferer

What do you ask a multiple personality sufferer after sex?

"Well, was it good for you guys, too?"

Penile inadequacy

Do you know the difference between a healthy man and one obsessed with penile inadequacy? Of course, not.

Psychiatrist and prostitute

What's the difference between a psychiatrist and a prostitute?

About $20.

Push-up bra fuse box

A psychiatrist interviews a patient recovering from a head injury. When asked if the patient had any long-term side effects, he answered, "I'm fine. I used to use the wrong words in a sentence on occasion, but now I'm push-up bra fuse box Hubert Humphrey."

Have you ever had the hump of a camel?

A middle-aged man went to a therapist while facing a mid-life crisis. The doctor encouraged him to get out into the world and travel: "Experience new places. Eat new foods. In my life, I've eaten shark and snake. Have you ever had the hump of a camel?"

The patient replied: "No, but when I was younger, I was pretty good."

What does a dyslexic devil worshiper do on weekends?

What does a dyslexic devil worshiper do on weekends?

He worships Santa.

Guy's endurance

The nude male model sees a hot painter and starts to endure...

Barbra Streisand's ego

Hundreds of Barbra Streisand's possessions will be sold at an auction in Los Angeles. Amongst all these items there is one rumored to be so big, so spectacularly grand, so priceless that no dollar amount could possibly be placed on it. Fortunately, her ego's not for sale.

Fill in the blank

Fill in the blanks.


1. B O O _ S

2. _ _ N D O M

3. F _ _ K

4. P _ N _ S

5. P U _ S _



Have you done this?

Good.


Now check your answers.


The correct answers are:





1. B O O K S

2. R A N D O M

3. F O R K

4. P A N T S

5. P U L S E




Dirty mind!

Shit jokes

A clinical hypnotherapist induced a trance to a large group of volunteers and ordered them to do whatever he said immediately upon command. Unfortunately, he tripped over his own couch and yelled, "Shit!"

Today's thought about Woman

Women are basically greedy. They want all things from one man.

While men are so simple that they want only one thing from all women.



We are all in line 2

Do you smoke after sex?

A doctor asked his patient trying to quit smoking, "Do you smoke after sex?"

She responded, "I don't know. I never looked."

Humour - 2 priests on vacation

Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said "Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different coloured topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said "Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.
One of the Priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady."

"Yes, Father?"

"We are Priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?"

She replied, "Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen."

Oral for an extra $20

An ugly guy walks into a bar and asks the best-looking woman if he can buy her a drink. She shouts, "No, I won't sleep with you, you disgusting pig."

A few minutes later, she apologizes, explaining that she's a psych student researching humiliation.

He shouts back, "What do you mean you'll do for oral for an extra $20?"

How does someone with chronic memory loss shop for groceries?

How does someone with chronic memory loss shop for groceries?

What? Hmm? Sorry?

Office Sign

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town fathers were not too happy with the sign, and they proposed "Hysteria and Posteriors."

The doctors didn't find it ok, so they suggested "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

The town didn't like that either and countered with "Catatonics and High Colonics."

Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers, and suggestions began rolling in:
"Manic-depressives and Anal-retentive."
"Minds and Behinds."
"Lost Souls and Assholes."
"Analysis and Anal Cysts."
"Queers and Rears."
"Nuts and Butts."
"Freaks and Cheeks."
"Loons and Moons."

None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally decided on "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

What happens if all the big companies start selling condoms?

What happens if all the big companies start selling condoms?

DENTONIC CONDOM
Twice a day esprecially before going to bed.

NOKIA COMDOM
Connecting people.

PEPSODENT CONDOM
Whole night fights with germs

LUX CONDOM
Be more filmy be more celebrity outlook.

A Man & his Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress..

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly after the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table....

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp... When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

Multiple personality patient

A psychiatrist asked her multiple personality patient, "So, do you feel like you're cured."

He replied, "Absolutely. We've never felt better."

Collective unconscious

How can anybody possibly believe in the collective unconscious?

It's easy - if you're Jung at heart.

Why did the movie theater employee have to enter therapy?

Why did the movie theater employee have to enter therapy for blaming others for his problems?

He's a projectionist.

Bush Health Plan

A congressional committee has passed the first version of the Bush Health Plan, including a special prevision for pathological sexual addiction. The bill is sponsored by Senator Ted Kennedy, and it encourages mental and physical well being through extensive cardio-vascular exercise -- without pants.

What does a codependent order for lunch?

What does a codependent order for lunch?

I don't know. What do you think I should say?

How did Sigmund's wife get him turned on?

How did Sigmund's wife get him turned on?

She'd show up wearing only her Freudian slip.

Neurotic and squirrel

What does a neurotic have in common with a near-sighted, horny squirrel?

They're both @#$%ing nuts!

Pathological narcissist

To define Pathological Narcissist, see Madonna. She recently opened her new restaurant down in Miami. It didn't take long for the health inspector to get involved when they found an infestation of disgusting bacteria and assorted vermin throughout the place. Turns out it was just Madonna inviting her old boyfriends to the grand opening.

Manic-depressive

Why did the manic-depressive cross the road?

Who cares?

What does any of it matter?

I can't make any friends

A woman goes to her psychiatrist and complains, "I can't make any friends, doctor."

He replies, "Why do you think that is?"

She answered, "I don't know, you stupid, fat, ugly idiot."

New answering system at the clinic

They just installed a new answering system at the clinic. It asks anyone suffering from obsessive/compulsive disorder to press one repeatedly. If he or she is paranoid, press two but don't look behind you. If you have multiple personalities, have your alter ego, Mr. Pretzels, press three, four and five. And, if you have a self-esteem problem, don't waste our time.

The Amish Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this, Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is'.

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your mother.'

Olympic sex

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.

Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?

Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

Hi Facebook, I got laid

Thank you too, Michael, I had a great time as well. I'm glad you enjoyed my OTHER pussy :). I must admit, I haven't had sex in a while, so getting mounted by such a strong and powerful man was a pleasant surprise after so many long months of abstinence. I hope this message doesn't scare you off, I just wanted you to know what a wonderful time I had with you. You are permanently invited to "the-love-between-my -legs"

Paranoid

What does a paranoid have in common with the all-knowing master of time space and dimension that secretly controls all of our lives?

Right, like you don't know.

Chicken and a baby

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?

Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.

Second time

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.

Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!

Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?

Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

Free bus ride for breasts tapping

A young hot girl was using a mobile phone that has a bus pass feature. Since her hands were full and that her phone was hanging near her breasts, she simply moved her breasts near the detector. The auntie who queued up behind the hot girl thought by putting her breasts on the detector, she would get a free bus ride.

(網易)「我已經貼了兩下了，你還不讓我進去，搞甚麼啦？真是的！」湖南長沙、株洲等 地的民眾，現正流行「嘟」手機付款坐巴士。近日一段短片在網上廣泛流傳，只見一名衣着 性感的年輕女子，將手機掛在胸口前，然後將胸部靠近巴士的嘟卡機付款。一名婦人見狀有 樣學樣，但將胸口怎麼貼近嘟卡機都沒有反應，車上隨即爆出一陣哄笑。這段長 47秒的短片，點擊率已超過 170萬。短片在一輛巴士上拍攝，一名穿低胸緊身衣的性感女子，上巴士時，因兩手均拿 着東西、而手機又掛在頸上，無手刷卡，於是將胸部靠近刷卡機，嘟一聲後便進入車廂。她 身後的一名婦人見狀，於是有樣學樣，也直接將胸前手機貼近嘟卡機，但連「撞」兩次都沒 有反應。巴士司機要求婦人嘟卡，但她不耐煩地回應：「我都貼了兩下了，你還不讓我進去 ，搞甚麼啦？真是的！」司機解釋年輕女子用的是可「嘟」卡付款的手機，但是該名婦人不 依，還滿臉鄙夷地回答：「那是甚麼牌子的手機啦？聽都沒聽過，我用的還是『蘋果』手機 呢！」網民大讚該片段搞笑，但是也有網民質疑它的真實性，認為可能是廣告片。

Stock market and old man's dick

The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?

Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!

Hang Till Death

The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.

The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"

Wives are funny creatures

Wives are funny creatures.

They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks

and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Letter to god

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:


Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely,
Edna


The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:


Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely,
Edna

Important facts of life

VERY IMPORTANT FACTS from your Financial Adviser.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men!

Spaghetti Jokes

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until t he child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

Obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

'You all have obsessions,' he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'

He turned to the second mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

He turned to the third mom, Kathy: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about.

Let's pick Willy up from school and go home.'

Owe Me Ten Bucks - Jay Chou Qian Li Zhi Wai Spoof

Spoof of Jay Chou's Qian Li Zhi Wai

Daddy Call

'Hello?'

'Hi, honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?'
'No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'

***Brief Pause***

Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'
'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.'


***Brief Pause.***

'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's
car just pulled into the driveway.'

'Okay Daddy, just a minute.'
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

'I did it Daddy'
And what happened honey?'

'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around
screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she
isn't moving at all!'

'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'

'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped
out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that
you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think
he's dead.'
***Long Pause***


***Longer Pause***



***Even Longer Pause***



Then Daddy says, 'Swimming pool ?? We dont have a swimming pool !! Ah, is this 486-5731 ??'

No, this is 486-5713.... .

'SORRY WRONG NUMBER !'

Funny gay prank video

Ah Beng, you want chocolate?

Ah Beng is a bus driver; one day got this old folks home ‘pao’ his bus for a day trip to Pulau Ketam.

Sitting right behind the driver’s seat is Grandma Sue and from his rear mirror Ah Beng can see that Grandma Sue is happily munching away…

In the middle of the road trip, Grandma Sue tapped Ah Beng on his shoulder and asked him…

Grandma: ‘Ah Beng ah! You want peanuts boh? Grandma treat you eat peanut ai mai?’

Ah Beng: ‘Tenkiu ah ma… yes I want!’

Then Ah Beng also happy happy munching peanuts… about 20 minutes down the road, Grandma Sue asked Ah Beng again…

Grandma: ‘Ah Beng ah! You want peanuts boh? Grandma treat you eat peanut ai mai?’

Ah Beng: Tenkiu ah ma… yes I want!’

To make the story short, this goes on for a few more times then Ah Beng finally asks Grandma Sue…

Ah Beng: ‘Ah ma ah!... you don’t eat peanuts one meh?’

Grandma: ‘No… no eat! Ah ma boh teeth la!’

Ah Beng: ‘Aiks! Boh teeth then why ah ma buy peanuts leh?’

Grandma: ‘No choice leh! Just now that 7-11 is out of chocolate so ah ma kena buy this peanut chocolate lor! Ah ma lick the chocolate around the peanut and the peanut give you eat lor!’

Ah Beng was on his way home in the MRT train when the MRT tunnel collapsed and he was trapped inside the train amongst the rubble..

When the SCDF finally dug deep enough into the rubble and reached Ah Beng nearly 3 weeks later, Ah Beng was already dead.

A subsequent autopsy revealed that Ah Beng was initially alive and had completely no body injury but eventually died of prolonged period of thirst and hunger.

However, there were bags of food (including biscuits) and drinks in Ah Beng's hands when he was found dead in the MRT and they have not been touched. A receipt found on Ah Beng's dead body revealed that Ah Beng went shopping for food and drinks before taking the ill-fated MRT train.

So why did Ah Beng still die of thirst and hunger when he had food and drinks with him in the train?


Scroll down for answer…

























"No food and Drinks allowed on the Train, Fine $500"

Sex Jokes

I don't need sex

because my manager fucks me everyday.

We stare because we care

This week is Breast Awareness Week.

Spread the slogan "We stare because we care!"

Tit-bits and banana split

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?

Tit-Bits.

And if it bursts in a man's underwear?

Banana split.

Why is sex similar to shaving?

Why is sex similar to shaving?

Well, because no matter how well you do it today,

tomorrow you have to do it again.

Heating up your dinner

A woman came home from work one day to find her husband using a hair dryer in his willy.

She said to him "what are you doing?"

He replied "I'm just heating up your dinner."

Bomb & a condom

What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?

In a bomb blast, population decreases BUT in a condom blast, population increases.

Say I love you

Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?

To see if you really mean it!

Bring Me To life - Misheard lyrics

Tension, terror, horror, tragedy

Tension is when wife is pregnant!

Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!

Horror is when both are pregnant!

Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!

What is failure?

Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you,
it's only when you leave her a virgin.