Wife-isms

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- David Bissonette

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
- Sacha Guitry

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
- Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
- Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
- Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
- James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Patrick Murra

You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
- Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
- Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
- Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
- Anonymous