Recently fired stock trader

A recently fired stock trader said ...

"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife..."

Your husband needs rest

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you.!!

Why did you shoot your wife?

Judge: why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?

Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

Difference between Friend & Wife

Difference between Friend & Wife

You can Tell your Friend "You are my Best Friend"

But Do u have courage tell to your Wife "You are my Best Wife?"

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN

Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around & no one teaches How to choose a Wife, NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

What if you don't see me for 2 days?

A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:

"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"

The man couldn’t believe his luck: 'that would be great'!

Monday passed and he didn’t see her......

Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....

On Thursday his swelling became better

And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

Similarity between chewing gum & begum

What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum (wife) ??

Both are sweet at the beginning and become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the end..

Husband, wife & spare tyre

HUSBAND and WIFE are like 2 tyres of a vehicle. If 1 punctures, the vehicle can't move further

Moral: Always Keep a SPARE TYRE....

Can I make a call to my wife?

A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...

Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

WIFE says: No darling, it means:

With Idiot For Ever

I look at your picture and the problem disappears

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this."

Habit of talking in sleep

A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what should I give him to cure?

Doctor: Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake.

To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Angry wife to her husband

An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where the Hell Are You ...?"

Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It and I Didn't Have Money That Time and I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)

Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!

Husband: I'm in the Pub Just Next To That Shop.

An intelligent wife

"An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?

What is the Difference between Mother and Wife?

One Woman Brings you into this world crying... and the other ensures you Continue to do so.

Bloody English Language

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Husband: Sure, what are my choices?

Wife: Yes and no.

Lion bounced on wife

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.

WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!

SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera..

Part & Art of living

Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...

But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.