Women and Home Depot

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that faucet?" The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00. Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that’s an expensive faucet -- certainly out of my price range.." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one. From the storeroom the manager yelled. "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?" Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet." This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot.

Sex Jokes

I don't need sex

because my manager fucks me everyday.

Tried and trusted

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."

The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

Misconception

An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk totally stressed out.

He gives him the advice: "I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. It was fantastic and it helped. You should try it too!"

Two weeks later when the manager arrives at his department he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk.

The faxes are piling up and the computer is running at full speed.

"I see you followed my advice?"

"I did", answers the employee, "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house!".