Bloody English Language

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!

A woman without her man is nothing

'A woman without her man is nothing' on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:
'A woman , without her man, is nothing.'

All the females in the class wrote:
'A woman: without her, man is nothing.'

Making a sentence with colours

One day in a language school in Australia

Teacher : "All right, now I'd like you to make a sentence using the words GREEN, PINK and YELLOW. Who'd like to try?"

A student raised his hand. It was Kukoya from Japan.
Kukoya : "Early this morning, I looked out the window, I saw the GREEN grass and PINK roses in the garden. I went outside and I feel the warm YELLOW sunlight around me"

Teacher : "Not bad. Okay, who's next?"

Another student raised his hand. It was Ah Beng from Singapore.

Ah Beng : "I try! I try. Can aaah?"

Teacher : "No, no, not you"

Ah Beng : "Aaaiiyaaa... let me try lah... I can do lah... you think I'm stup** meeh..?"

Teacher : "Okay.. go ahead"

Ah Beng : "This morning I heard the phone GREEEEEN... GREEEEEN... I PINK up" and I said "YELOOOOW...."

Teacher ?.....??

Ah Lek's Composition

This is hilarious... ..even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric,which is exclusive only to Malaysians and Singaporeans.

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with.....

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7 -eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he runaway.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 -eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to comeback 4 work. ! He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

Diet

Woman: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.

Doctor: You should diet. (dye it)

Woman: Really? What color?