Can I make a call to my wife?

A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Husband: Sure, what are my choices?

Wife: Yes and no.

Marriage life

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop ... but at the bar... You know ... they have frozen glasses... "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be! right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

"But my sweet honey... at the bar. you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"

and....they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story? :D

I will eat the horse manure

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning" said the young man.

"If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away", said the old lady. "I haven't got any money. I'm broke", and she proceeded to closer the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door, and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty", he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

Four Catholic Women

Four Catholic women were having coffee.

The first catholic woman tell her friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him "FATHER".

The 2nd catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop, when he walks into a room, people call him "YOUR GRACE".

The 3rd catholic woman says, "My son is a cardinal, when he enters a room, people call him "YOUR EMINENCE".

The 4th catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first 3 women give her the subtle, "well...?".

So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6 ft and 2 inches in height, hard-bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, "OH, MY GOD!!!!!".