Showing posts with label malaysian jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label malaysian jokes. Show all posts
Jun 30, 2012
Army Jokes: The work of 50 Soldiers
As a joint exercise of Southeast Asian forces gets underway, a Malaysian general says to a Thai colonel: “I just discovered something that does the work of 50 soldiers.”
The Thai asks: “Really? What is it?”
The Malaysian replies: “Two hundred Singaporean soldiers.”
Sep 21, 2009
Indon, Bangla & Malaysian
An Indonesian, a Bangladeshi and a Malaysian Chinese are in a bar one night having a beer. The Indonesian finishes his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He brags, "In Jakarta our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."
The Bangladeshi is obviously impressed. When he finished his beer, he throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."
The Malaysian, cool as a cucumber, finishes his drink, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Indonesian & the Bangladeshi.
He says "Nyamah! In KL we have so many Indon and Bangla that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
He brags, "In Jakarta our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."
The Bangladeshi is obviously impressed. When he finished his beer, he throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."
The Malaysian, cool as a cucumber, finishes his drink, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Indonesian & the Bangladeshi.
He says "Nyamah! In KL we have so many Indon and Bangla that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
Sep 19, 2009
I e-meow U, U e-meow me
This is REALLY FUNNY!
The Malaysian Ministry of Education (MOE) are reverting back to teaching Science and Mathematic in Bahasa Malaysia.
If we do not oppose now, a lot of our young generation of Msians are going to speak and write like this soon....
Enjoy.
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letters. Wrong time no see you. How anything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your face look? Somemore you must wear high hill kick kok shoe, hope you can wok properly wit out felling over.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working start in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his junk friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright. We so drown we no go toilet but pee pees on the floor.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family. My brother eye deer also to in white the kampong head.
I only hope one day we no need write you and send litters to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup you soon. And when you got time, please few free call up to me. Good bye.....
Wormedst regret,
Ah Beng
The Malaysian Ministry of Education (MOE) are reverting back to teaching Science and Mathematic in Bahasa Malaysia.
If we do not oppose now, a lot of our young generation of Msians are going to speak and write like this soon....
Enjoy.
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letters. Wrong time no see you. How anything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your face look? Somemore you must wear high hill kick kok shoe, hope you can wok properly wit out felling over.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working start in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his junk friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright. We so drown we no go toilet but pee pees on the floor.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family. My brother eye deer also to in white the kampong head.
I only hope one day we no need write you and send litters to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup you soon. And when you got time, please few free call up to me. Good bye.....
Wormedst regret,
Ah Beng
Sep 11, 2009
Malaysian Education System - A Very Wise View
A Very Wise View from Datuk Dr Agoes Salim...
The objective of STPM is to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the exams of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently, when during your father's time only 10% would have passed? Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?
Let me put things in their proper perspective. During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:
"In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka?"
The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people. I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?
So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer."
The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tactic a few years later.
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?"
Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now but still not good enough. Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a boleh country. The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:
Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka."
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Yeah!!!!.... 60% managed to pass! So krever! But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:
"One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?"
13% (smart students) handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", 10% wrote " Kentucky Fried Chicken" and 20% wrote "Nasi Lemak".
The correct answer was anything concerning "Food" of course! After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed. 87%!!!!!.... ........now that's pretty impressive!
So it's true. So now the authorities are very happy that the students are indeed getting smarter? Well done Boleh-land! Perhaps, this is why we have a host of students with an impressive string of 'As' who can hardly construct a decent sentence!
Neow mind, our super-duper gomen can find a job for us one.
Duh......
The objective of STPM is to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the exams of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently, when during your father's time only 10% would have passed? Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?
Let me put things in their proper perspective. During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:
"In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka?"
The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people. I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?
So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer."
The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tactic a few years later.
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?"
Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now but still not good enough. Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a boleh country. The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:
Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka."
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Yeah!!!!.... 60% managed to pass! So krever! But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:
"One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?"
13% (smart students) handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", 10% wrote " Kentucky Fried Chicken" and 20% wrote "Nasi Lemak".
The correct answer was anything concerning "Food" of course! After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed. 87%!!!!!.... ........now that's pretty impressive!
So it's true. So now the authorities are very happy that the students are indeed getting smarter? Well done Boleh-land! Perhaps, this is why we have a host of students with an impressive string of 'As' who can hardly construct a decent sentence!
Neow mind, our super-duper gomen can find a job for us one.
Duh......
Jul 18, 2009
How to do business with two cows - International Business skills
TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them and hope to have more cows.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk.
They go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead. The two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them and hope to have more cows.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk.
They go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead. The two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu
May 30, 2009
Dr. Mahathir
When Dr. Mahathir was Prime Minister of Malaysia
One lousy day in the middle of the economic crisis, PM Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighboring country can be doing better than Malaysia.
One of his aides said, I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country. Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh also can, and went to seek the top bomoh's advice in the country.
After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr M that there were 2 things that he must do:
Bomoh: Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything. Dr M: But Why?
Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'. You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.
Bomoh: Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.
Dr M: What! why him?
Bomoh: Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'.
Dr M: But how? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.
Bomoh: Aiyoh, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR. Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly
This one lagi best. The latest according to the trend.
Subject:
M.A.H.A.T.H.I.R
This is a new acronymn... stands for:
Must
Always
Hantam
Abdullah
Till
He
Is
Removed
One lousy day in the middle of the economic crisis, PM Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighboring country can be doing better than Malaysia.
One of his aides said, I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country. Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh also can, and went to seek the top bomoh's advice in the country.
After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr M that there were 2 things that he must do:
Bomoh: Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything. Dr M: But Why?
Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'. You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.
Bomoh: Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.
Dr M: What! why him?
Bomoh: Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'.
Dr M: But how? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.
Bomoh: Aiyoh, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR. Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly
This one lagi best. The latest according to the trend.
Subject:
M.A.H.A.T.H.I.R
This is a new acronymn... stands for:
Must
Always
Hantam
Abdullah
Till
He
Is
Removed
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
