Showing posts with label malaysia jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label malaysia jokes. Show all posts
Apr 24, 2011
Funny Video; Why so small
The Lady : what bird is this...??why so small...??
the guy : This is Import from Malaysia...!!!
The Lady : didn't see before...it looks small like kids that i saw....
the guy : it it just fly to Thailand here...
The Lady : ooo fly from far away and feather already gone...this bird bang to what why ITS head already flatten ...??go away
the guy : Nooo~~~arghhh falln*
Oct 10, 2009
Ah Beng Jokes: AM and PM
A man asked Ah Beng why Najib goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Najib is PM not AM
Sep 19, 2009
I e-meow U, U e-meow me
This is REALLY FUNNY!
The Malaysian Ministry of Education (MOE) are reverting back to teaching Science and Mathematic in Bahasa Malaysia.
If we do not oppose now, a lot of our young generation of Msians are going to speak and write like this soon....
Enjoy.
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letters. Wrong time no see you. How anything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your face look? Somemore you must wear high hill kick kok shoe, hope you can wok properly wit out felling over.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working start in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his junk friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright. We so drown we no go toilet but pee pees on the floor.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family. My brother eye deer also to in white the kampong head.
I only hope one day we no need write you and send litters to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup you soon. And when you got time, please few free call up to me. Good bye.....
Wormedst regret,
Ah Beng
The Malaysian Ministry of Education (MOE) are reverting back to teaching Science and Mathematic in Bahasa Malaysia.
If we do not oppose now, a lot of our young generation of Msians are going to speak and write like this soon....
Enjoy.
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letters. Wrong time no see you. How anything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your face look? Somemore you must wear high hill kick kok shoe, hope you can wok properly wit out felling over.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working start in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his junk friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright. We so drown we no go toilet but pee pees on the floor.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family. My brother eye deer also to in white the kampong head.
I only hope one day we no need write you and send litters to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup you soon. And when you got time, please few free call up to me. Good bye.....
Wormedst regret,
Ah Beng
Sep 11, 2009
Malaysian Education System - A Very Wise View
A Very Wise View from Datuk Dr Agoes Salim...
The objective of STPM is to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the exams of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently, when during your father's time only 10% would have passed? Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?
Let me put things in their proper perspective. During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:
"In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka?"
The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people. I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?
So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer."
The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tactic a few years later.
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?"
Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now but still not good enough. Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a boleh country. The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:
Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka."
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Yeah!!!!.... 60% managed to pass! So krever! But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:
"One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?"
13% (smart students) handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", 10% wrote " Kentucky Fried Chicken" and 20% wrote "Nasi Lemak".
The correct answer was anything concerning "Food" of course! After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed. 87%!!!!!.... ........now that's pretty impressive!
So it's true. So now the authorities are very happy that the students are indeed getting smarter? Well done Boleh-land! Perhaps, this is why we have a host of students with an impressive string of 'As' who can hardly construct a decent sentence!
Neow mind, our super-duper gomen can find a job for us one.
Duh......
The objective of STPM is to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the exams of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently, when during your father's time only 10% would have passed? Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?
Let me put things in their proper perspective. During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:
"In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka?"
The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people. I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?
So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer."
The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tactic a few years later.
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?"
Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now but still not good enough. Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a boleh country. The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:
Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka."
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Yeah!!!!.... 60% managed to pass! So krever! But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:
"One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?"
13% (smart students) handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", 10% wrote " Kentucky Fried Chicken" and 20% wrote "Nasi Lemak".
The correct answer was anything concerning "Food" of course! After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed. 87%!!!!!.... ........now that's pretty impressive!
So it's true. So now the authorities are very happy that the students are indeed getting smarter? Well done Boleh-land! Perhaps, this is why we have a host of students with an impressive string of 'As' who can hardly construct a decent sentence!
Neow mind, our super-duper gomen can find a job for us one.
Duh......
Aug 30, 2009
One Day at a Nursing Home in Johor Bahru
A Singapore family was considering putting their grandfather in a nursing home. All the Singaporean facilities were too expensive so they had to put him in a nursing home in Johor Bahru. After a few weeks in the JB nursing facility, they came to visit Grandpa:
“How do you like it here?” asks the grandson.
“It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful”, says grandpa.
“We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a Singaporean living amongst Malaysians.” said his daughter.
“Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents”, grandpa says with a big smile.
“There’s a musician here… he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him ‘Maestro’!”
“There is an ex-Chief Justice in there… he’s 95 years old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him “Hakim Besar’!”
“There’s also a dentist here… 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth in 25 years and everyone still calls him ‘Doktor’!”
“And me… I haven’t had sex in 35 years and they still call me ‘The Fucking Singaporean’!”
“How do you like it here?” asks the grandson.
“It’s wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful”, says grandpa.
“We’re so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a Singaporean living amongst Malaysians.” said his daughter.
“Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents”, grandpa says with a big smile.
“There’s a musician here… he’s 85 years old. He hasn’t played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him ‘Maestro’!”
“There is an ex-Chief Justice in there… he’s 95 years old. He hasn’t been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him “Hakim Besar’!”
“There’s also a dentist here… 90 years old. He hasn’t fixed a tooth in 25 years and everyone still calls him ‘Doktor’!”
“And me… I haven’t had sex in 35 years and they still call me ‘The Fucking Singaporean’!”
May 30, 2009
Dr. Mahathir
When Dr. Mahathir was Prime Minister of Malaysia
One lousy day in the middle of the economic crisis, PM Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighboring country can be doing better than Malaysia.
One of his aides said, I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country. Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh also can, and went to seek the top bomoh's advice in the country.
After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr M that there were 2 things that he must do:
Bomoh: Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything. Dr M: But Why?
Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'. You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.
Bomoh: Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.
Dr M: What! why him?
Bomoh: Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'.
Dr M: But how? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.
Bomoh: Aiyoh, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR. Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly
This one lagi best. The latest according to the trend.
Subject:
M.A.H.A.T.H.I.R
This is a new acronymn... stands for:
Must
Always
Hantam
Abdullah
Till
He
Is
Removed
One lousy day in the middle of the economic crisis, PM Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighboring country can be doing better than Malaysia.
One of his aides said, I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country. Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysia Bomoh also can, and went to seek the top bomoh's advice in the country.
After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr M that there were 2 things that he must do:
Bomoh: Step 1. You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything. Dr M: But Why?
Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'. You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.
Bomoh: Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.
Dr M: What! why him?
Bomoh: Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'.
Dr M: But how? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.
Bomoh: Aiyoh, you bodoh lah! Look at your name, MAHATHIR. Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly
This one lagi best. The latest according to the trend.
Subject:
M.A.H.A.T.H.I.R
This is a new acronymn... stands for:
Must
Always
Hantam
Abdullah
Till
He
Is
Removed
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