Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a giraffe in heat.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite s~x without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcahol may maak you tink you can tipe real gude.
Showing posts with label funny phrases. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny phrases. Show all posts
Feb 16, 2009
Jan 22, 2009
Ways to turn down unwanted Men
Man “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”
Man “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”
Man “Is this seat empty?”
Woman “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”
Man “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman “It’s in the phone book.”
Man “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman “That’s in the phone book too.”
Man “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman “I’m a female impersonator.”
Man “What sign were you born under?”
Woman “No Parking.”
Man “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Woman “Do not Enter”
Man “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman “Unfertilized”
Man “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”
Woman “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”
Man “I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.”
Woman “You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?”
Man “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”
Man “I can tell that you want me.”
Woman “Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you to leave.”
Man “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy
Woman “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.”
Man “Hey cutie, how ’bout you and I hitting the hot spots?”
Woman “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species..”
Man “Your body is like a temple.”
Woman “Sorry, there are no services today.”
Man “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”
Man “I would go to the end of the world for you.”
Woman “Yes, but would you stay there?"
Woman “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”
Man “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”
Man “Is this seat empty?”
Woman “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”
Man “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman “It’s in the phone book.”
Man “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman “That’s in the phone book too.”
Man “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman “I’m a female impersonator.”
Man “What sign were you born under?”
Woman “No Parking.”
Man “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Woman “Do not Enter”
Man “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman “Unfertilized”
Man “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”
Woman “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”
Man “I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.”
Woman “You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?”
Man “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”
Man “I can tell that you want me.”
Woman “Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you to leave.”
Man “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy
Woman “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.”
Man “Hey cutie, how ’bout you and I hitting the hot spots?”
Woman “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species..”
Man “Your body is like a temple.”
Woman “Sorry, there are no services today.”
Man “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”
Man “I would go to the end of the world for you.”
Woman “Yes, but would you stay there?"
Nov 12, 2008
Cool meanings
CIGARETTE - a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.
MARRIAGE - it's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
DIVORCE - future tense of marriage
CONFERENCE - the confusion of one man multiplied by the number of present.
TEARS - the hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
CONFERENCE ROOM - a place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.
ECSTACY - a feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
YAWN - the only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
EXPERIENCE - the name men given to their mistakes.
CRIMINAL - a guy no different from the rest. Except that he got caught.
FATHER - a banker provided by nature.
BOSS - someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
POLITICIAN - one who shakes you hand before elections and your confidence after.
DOCTOR - a person who kills your ill by pills, and kills you with his bills.
TEACHERS - are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn't have.
MARRIAGE - it's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
DIVORCE - future tense of marriage
CONFERENCE - the confusion of one man multiplied by the number of present.
TEARS - the hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.
CONFERENCE ROOM - a place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.
ECSTACY - a feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
YAWN - the only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
EXPERIENCE - the name men given to their mistakes.
CRIMINAL - a guy no different from the rest. Except that he got caught.
FATHER - a banker provided by nature.
BOSS - someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
POLITICIAN - one who shakes you hand before elections and your confidence after.
DOCTOR - a person who kills your ill by pills, and kills you with his bills.
TEACHERS - are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn't have.
Oct 18, 2008
Funny Phrases
Practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect...... So why practice?
Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.
One should love animals. - They are so tasty.
Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.
Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.
Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop
Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children
"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep
There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning
"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !
"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.
When two's company, - three's the result!
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say........
Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.
One should love animals. - They are so tasty.
Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.
Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.
Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.
Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop
Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children
"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep
There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning
"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !
"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!
God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.
When two's company, - three's the result!
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say........
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