Jokes: Terms and Meanings, Definitions

MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either
CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece
TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!
DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage
CONFERENCE ROOM:A place where everybody talks,nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on
ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before
CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read
SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
OFFICE:A place where u can relax after your strenuous home life
YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open
their mouth
ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together
EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their Mistakes
ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions
PHILOSOPHER:A fool who torments himself during life,to be spoken of when dead
DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way
that you actually look forward to the trip
OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river
OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"
PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY
MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!
FATHER: A banker provided by nature
CRIMINAL:A guy no different from the other,unless he gets caught
BOSS:Someone who is early when u are late and late when u are early
POLITICIAN:One who shakes ur hand before elections and ur Confidence Later
DOCTOR:A person who kills ur ills by pills,and kills u by his bills!
CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

Observation

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This", he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my 2nd finger into the jar and my 3rd finger into my mouth

Anything to pass exam

Pretty young student walked in to her professor's office late one afternoon the day before midterm exams. She glanced down the hall, closed his door and knelt before him pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam," she said as she leaned closer to him, stroked her hair and gazed meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispered, "I would do... anything."

The professor returned her gaze. "Anything?" he asked.

"Anything," she replied.

His voice softened. "Really? Anything?" he asked again.

"Absolutely anything," she once again replied.

He leaned close to the woman and lowered his voice to a whisper.

"Would you... study?"

Legal versus logical

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.

Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.

The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."