Misconception

An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk totally stressed out.

He gives him the advice: "I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. It was fantastic and it helped. You should try it too!"

Two weeks later when the manager arrives at his department he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk.

The faxes are piling up and the computer is running at full speed.

"I see you followed my advice?"

"I did", answers the employee, "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house!".

Why office staff are always dead tired

Have you wondered why office staff are always dead tired by the end of the day and companies really require no further physical fitness programmes for their employees? The reason is that EVERYONE gets enough exercise by:

1. Jumping to conclusion
2. Beating around the bush
3. Running down the boss
4. Going around in circles
5. Dragging their feet
6. Passing the buck
7. Climbing the ladder
8. Wading through paperwork
9. Pulling strings
10. Throwing their weight around
11. Stretching the truth
12. Bending the rules
13. Pushing their luck
14. Shooting arrows
15. Fighting fire

NO WONDER THEY ARE ALL TIRED AT THE END OF A WORKING DAY!!

Come to work happy

Prison vs. Job

IN PRISON
you spend the majority of your time in an 8'X10' cell .

AT WORK
you spend most of your time in a 6'X8' cubicle ..


IN PRISON
you get three meals a day (free).

AT WORK
you only get a break for one meal and probably have to pay for it yourself.


IN PRISON
you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK
you get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK.


IN PRISON
a guard locks and unlocks the doors for you

AT WORK
you must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself .


IN PRISON
you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK
you get fired for watching TV and playing games.


IN PRISON
you get your own toilet .

AT WORK
you have to share .


IN PRISON
they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK
you can not even speak to your family and friends.


IN PRISON
all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work at all.

AT WORK
You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.



Hmm? Which sounds better?

So what are you waiting for...

Kill your Boss & go to prison

Economy slowdown

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired
Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Ea rly Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further
by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely, The Management

Comparative Study: Appraisal and Resignation

In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors & failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements & success.


In appraisal u may need to cry & beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation u can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.


During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying u didn't meet the expectation, u don't have leadership qualities, & u had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation, they will say u are the core member of team, u are the vision of the company how can u go, u have to take the project in shoulder & lead your juniors to success.


There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after u put the resignation.


So, if u want your appraisal, submit your resignation immediately.