Blind date jokes

Alex sets up his friend Bob to go on a blind date with his cousin.

Bob is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.

"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Bob, "I'll be with her all nigh?"

"Don't worry," Alex says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't, just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake a heart attack."

That night Bob knocks at the girl's door.

When she comes out he is awe-struck at how hot and sexy she is.

He's about to speak when the girl suddenly grabs for her chest and lets out a loud "Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"

Before and after marriage

Before marriage. .
Darling here.. darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... baling there...

Before marriage. .
U DIE, i'll die with u .
After marriage.
"U die, up to u. "

Before marriage...
U go anywhere... I follow u...
After marriage. . .
U go anywhere. . up to u.
soo long married. . .
I go anywhere... better no u.!!

Before wedding
u are my heart, u are my love"
After wedding
"u get on my nerves. "

Before wedding
"u are sweet and kind just like
Cinderella"
After wedding
"u are worse than godzila"

Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Like it or not, I'm
stuck with u
After wedding
Roses are dead, I watch blue. U get on
my head, I
will sue u

Before wedding
Every dating he brings u to Shangri-La
After wedding
U want to go, he says u 'wait-la'

Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether 'katak or
biawak'

Disgrace His Family

A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date, her mother warned her......

'First, he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name.'

Next day, girl told Mom, 'Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family.'