Psychology graduate student

You just might be a psychology graduate student if...

...you spend more on books than on tuition.
...you actually hope your professor assigns homework.
...you get a 4 hour final with 5 questions or less.
...the words "free time" are unfamiliar to you.
...you spend Saturday morning waiting for the library to open.
...you've memorized your professors' home phone numbers.
...your professors know your home phone number.
...more than 25% of your textbook is "left as an exercise for the reader."
...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
...you have ever brought a homework to a bar.
...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
...you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.

Oral for an extra $20

An ugly guy walks into a bar and asks the best-looking woman if he can buy her a drink. She shouts, "No, I won't sleep with you, you disgusting pig."

A few minutes later, she apologizes, explaining that she's a psych student researching humiliation.

He shouts back, "What do you mean you'll do for oral for an extra $20?"

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed

If you love someone, Set...

If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....


THE NEW VERSIONS.....


Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back,
continue to wait until she comes back ...

Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat ....

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Statisticians :
If you love someone
Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.

Over possessive person :
If you love someone
don't set her free.

MBA :
If you love someone
set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously

Psychologist :
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Finance expert :
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist :
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market