Leather Dresses

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, A man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, He gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally. Ever wonder why? It's because she smells like a new golf bag.

The Truth is 'Out There'

WOMEN -

Two female friends are catching up:
- So, how was your evening last night?
- A disaster! After getting home, my dear beloved hubby wolfed down in 4 minutes, the dinner that took me all afternoon to prepare, "granted" me 3 minutes of passionate love before rolling over and falling asleep 2 minutes later.  And you?
- Oh, mine was incredible. My hubby was waiting for me to get back home from work. He took me out for a very romantic dinner. We then walked back home, under an amazing starry sky, along the canal, for a good two hours. Once home, he lit up all the candles we had and our foreplay lasted for an hour. We then made love for another hour and then we chatted until late. It was wonderful...


MEN -

Meanwhile, at the pub, the husbands are "networking"...:
- So, how was your evening last night?
- Great! When I came home, the food was ready. I ate, we shagged and I fell asleep.
You?

- A nightmare! I came home earlier to fix the kitchen shelf. When I switched on the power drill, the fuse went out. The whole house went into darkness.
Couldn't find the bloody fuse-box, so when my better half arrived, I took her out.
It was the only thing to do to avoid getting an earful... Dinner was so expensive that I couldn't afford the taxi back home, so we had to walk home. Once there, the house was still in the dark, obviously, so I had to light all these f..cking candles to avoid knocking everything down. I was so wound up that it took me an hour to get a hard on, and another one to come. In the end, I was so p.ssed off that it took me ages to fall asleep, while she kept yapping on and on about f..k knows what!

Guy's endurance

The nude male model sees a hot painter and starts to endure...

Today's thought about Woman

Women are basically greedy. They want all things from one man.

While men are so simple that they want only one thing from all women.



We are all in line 2

Hang Till Death

The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.

The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"

Volunteer

11 people hanging on a rope from a helicopter:

10 men and 1 woman....

the rope wasn't strong enough for all 11.. 1 had to let go. they couldn't decide who

the woman then gave a speech, " i will voluntarily let go the rope 'coz as a woman, i am used to giving up everything for my husband and kids or 4 men in general... i'm used to always making sacrifices with little in return."

all the men clapped their hands...

Comic: Don't cover. Otherwise we both have to die!

Why human has two hands

Why woman has two hands?


Why man has two hands?

Successful sons

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics & Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said, 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked, 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said, 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?'

The fourth man replied, 'My son is a gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said, 'What a shame...!!! What a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied, 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

Who is stronger, man or woman?

Question: Who is stronger, Man Or Woman?

Answer: A woman because she lifts two mountains on her chest while a man lifts two stones with the help of a crane.

MEN

Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room, talking about life... In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.

I said to her:

'Dear, never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'

Then my wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!

....I ALMOST DIED!!!

A girl is like a radio

Girl: I'm like a radio, my mouth speaker, my left breast tuner, right one volume.

Man: Can I try?

(touches d breats)-no sound.

Girl: You haven't plugged in yet!

Take a picture

Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, then I can always look at them.

Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

Best wishes

Three men came across a female genie, who promised to grant each one a wish. “Make me 25 percent smarter!” said the first man. The genie blinked, and the man said, “Hey, I feel smarter already!” The second man said, “I wish I were 50 percent smarter!” The genie blinked, and the man exclaimed, “That’s wonderful!

I think I know things now that I didn’t know before!” “I’d like to be 100-percent smarter!” screamed the third man.

The genie blinked, and the man became a woman.

Jokes: Ducks

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We! only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St.. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and smart looking...

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but today is my 1st day and I just stepped on a duck!'

Men VS Women

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers. The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God!' But you're still at fault....women shouldn't be allowed to drive.

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police....'

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with them.

What every guy wants for Christmas