For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until t he child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
Showing posts with label italian jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label italian jokes. Show all posts
Mar 12, 2010
Jul 24, 2009
Globalization
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an American,
using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an American,
using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization
Jul 18, 2009
How to do business with two cows - International Business skills
TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them and hope to have more cows.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk.
They go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead. The two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them and hope to have more cows.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk.
They go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead. The two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu
Jul 15, 2009
The Chinese stays in Italy
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy.
Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community.
If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.
The Chinese picked a middle-aged man named Ah Pek to represent them. Ah Pek asked for one condition to be added to the debate.
"To make it more interesting", he said, "neither side would be allowed to talk".
The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other.
Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Ah Pek looked back
at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat. The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine. Ah Pek pull out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said: "I give up. This man is too good. The Chinese can stay."
The cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.
The Pope said, "first I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions."
"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us."
"I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah Pek.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Ah Pek, "First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I replied to him f*@k off and not one of us was leaving."
"Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here."
"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Ah Pek, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!"
Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community.
If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.
The Chinese picked a middle-aged man named Ah Pek to represent them. Ah Pek asked for one condition to be added to the debate.
"To make it more interesting", he said, "neither side would be allowed to talk".
The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other.
Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Ah Pek looked back
at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat. The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine. Ah Pek pull out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said: "I give up. This man is too good. The Chinese can stay."
The cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.
The Pope said, "first I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions."
"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us."
"I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah Pek.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Ah Pek, "First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I replied to him f*@k off and not one of us was leaving."
"Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here."
"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Ah Pek, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!"
Apr 1, 2009
Jokes: with a lady on desert island
Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two fought and one KILLED the other to have the lady.
Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They both had the lady TOGETHER.
Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.
Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his advisor.
- The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.
Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.
Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.
Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing the other because she was rejected by both.
Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two men are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT on how to proceed
- The two fought and one KILLED the other to have the lady.
Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They both had the lady TOGETHER.
Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.
Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his advisor.
- The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.
Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.
Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.
Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing the other because she was rejected by both.
Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two men are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT on how to proceed
Jan 4, 2009
25 pounds at birth
An Italian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cellphone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar announcing his wife had produced a typical Italian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Italian guy just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks.. like i said, my boy's a typical Italian bambino".
Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW". One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weighs now?"
The proud father answers, "17 pounds".
The bartender is puzzled, concerned & a little bit suspicious, "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born".
The Italian father takes a long swig of Sambaca, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says.....
"WE HAD HIM CIRCUMCISED"
Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW". One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weighs now?"
The proud father answers, "17 pounds".
The bartender is puzzled, concerned & a little bit suspicious, "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born".
The Italian father takes a long swig of Sambaca, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says.....
"WE HAD HIM CIRCUMCISED"
Dec 27, 2008
It takes an Italian to make a woman feel like a woman
On a recent trans Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing struck by lightning.
One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die", she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, reviled, at the desperate woman in front of the plane.
Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark hair & hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle toward the woman, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.
No one moves
He removes his shirt, muscles ripple across his chest.
She grasps.....
He whispers: "Here, iron this, and then get me something to eat."
One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die", she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, reviled, at the desperate woman in front of the plane.
Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark hair & hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle toward the woman, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time.
No one moves
He removes his shirt, muscles ripple across his chest.
She grasps.....
He whispers: "Here, iron this, and then get me something to eat."
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