Condoms

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.


"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

A calm & respectable lady went into the pharmacy & walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes & said, "I would like to buy some cyanide".

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need to poison my husband".

The pharmacist's eyes got big, he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill you husband. That's against the law, I would lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail. All kinds of bad things will happen, absolutely not, you cannot have cyanide".

The lady reached into her purse & pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture & replied, "WELL, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU HAD A PRESCRIPTION".