Typical Singaporeans - LOL

1) When lift door opens...

Aus: The one nearest will automatically hold the button for the rest to go in first, then he go is last.

SG: The people behind will squeeze from behind to get to the front, shoving and pushing to block those exiting.


2) While waiting in line to pay at cashier...

Aus: Those in front with many groceries will let you to pay first, if you got only few items to pay.

SG: Hope la... Wait in line for your turn. So what if you only queueing to pay for 1 drink can. I got a whole trolley of groceries! Tan la....


3) If you pushing a pram at a busy mall...

Aus: People will give way to you to get through the crowd.

SG: People will ignore your pram and squeeze through. If your pram hit their leg, they will turn around and give you a CB look.


4) While trying to find a lot at a busy carpark...

Aus: They will let you park first if you got children in car, especially if you got prams.

SG: Nabeh.... I come first hor. Got kids, so what? wait la, why cannot wait is it???


5) Driving along the road, trying to change lanes..

Aus: the moment you signal, they will slow down for you.

SG: The moment you signal, they will go faster beside to block your lane.


6) When calling a helpline...

Aus: "Thank you for calling Austar, your call is important to us, and we will attend to you as soon as possible. Pls hold." and then, 5 secs, someone answers..... " Sorry for holding, this is Ann, how may I assist you?"

SG: " Our system is not getting a response from the subscriber's mobile phone. Pls try again later"..... enagaged tone.. Or else, it is "All our operators are busy at the moment, pls continue to hold and your call will be answered in the next available order." After 10 minutes.... still same msg. Hang up lor.


7) At Macdonalds...

Aus: " G' Day, may I have your order, sir?....would that be all?...thank you and you have a nice day. I am glad to be of service to you today. Ta.."

SG: Eating here, or take away????? that will be $11.70. Next pls.....


8) When u bought a dress and realized wrong size. You return to exchange..

Aus: We gladly offer a full refund with no question asked.

SG: Sorry, Goods sold are not refundable!!!


9) When u call up a service company to complain about their service...

Aus: We appreciate your feedback and our company hereby offers you a $50 voucher for your next purchase. Thank you.

SG: We will be following up on the complain and will get back to you soonest..... After months, die of natural death. Pretend nothing happened.


10) Your handphone is damaged and you goes to a service center...

Aus: We will be glad to lend you a spare while your phone is being repaired. If it cannot be repaired, we will gladly replace you with a new phone.

SG: Your phone will take about 3-4 weeks for re pair. Meantime, you have no phone, but we will call you when its ready.. How to call me when I have no hp???? funny right?

Jokes: with a lady on desert island

Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two fought and one KILLED the other to have the lady.

Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They both had the lady TOGETHER.

Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.

Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his advisor.
- The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.

Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.

Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.

Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomizing the other because she was rejected by both.

Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island;
- The two men are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT on how to proceed