1: I'm having a baby right now
1: Got damn spell check!!!
1: I'm having a beer right now
2: Lmao
Showing posts with label baby jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby jokes. Show all posts
Oct 10, 2011
Mar 27, 2010
Chicken and a baby
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
Mar 12, 2010
Spaghetti Jokes
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until t he child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until t he child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
Sep 15, 2009
Ugly baby
Woman with a baby on a bus -
Driver: "What an ugly baby!"
Hurt, the woman went to another seat.
The Man next to her asked: "What's wrong, lady?"
Woman: "The driver just insulted me."
Man: "What a jerk! He should respect you! Go get his name and ID number. Come on, I'll hold your monkey for you"
Driver: "What an ugly baby!"
Hurt, the woman went to another seat.
The Man next to her asked: "What's wrong, lady?"
Woman: "The driver just insulted me."
Man: "What a jerk! He should respect you! Go get his name and ID number. Come on, I'll hold your monkey for you"
Sep 10, 2009
Jan 4, 2009
25 pounds at birth
An Italian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cellphone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar announcing his wife had produced a typical Italian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Italian guy just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks.. like i said, my boy's a typical Italian bambino".
Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW". One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weighs now?"
The proud father answers, "17 pounds".
The bartender is puzzled, concerned & a little bit suspicious, "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born".
The Italian father takes a long swig of Sambaca, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says.....
"WE HAD HIM CIRCUMCISED"
Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW". One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say you're the father of that typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weighs now?"
The proud father answers, "17 pounds".
The bartender is puzzled, concerned & a little bit suspicious, "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born".
The Italian father takes a long swig of Sambaca, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says.....
"WE HAD HIM CIRCUMCISED"
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