I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
Showing posts with label car jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label car jokes. Show all posts
May 19, 2012
Jul 29, 2010
Jul 27, 2009
Jun 5, 2009
Boss n Secretary
Boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down.
His secretary walked up to him and asked: "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your gate?"
Boss was not smart enough to understand, so he went back into his office looking a bit puzzled !
When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his Zipper was not zipped up.
He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, then boss finally understood.
He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.
When he reached her desk, He said: "When you saw the gate open did you see my BMW parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said: "No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Kancil 600cc with 2 flat tyre".
Boss went back to his office mumering ................. Nabeh !
His secretary walked up to him and asked: "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your gate?"
Boss was not smart enough to understand, so he went back into his office looking a bit puzzled !
When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his Zipper was not zipped up.
He zipped up and remembering what his secretary had told him, then boss finally understood.
He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary.
When he reached her desk, He said: "When you saw the gate open did you see my BMW parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said: "No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Kancil 600cc with 2 flat tyre".
Boss went back to his office mumering ................. Nabeh !
Mar 5, 2009
The most appreciative gift
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers and 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
-Luv Ya, Mama
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers and 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: "Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."
-Luv Ya, Mama
Feb 7, 2009
Ghostly pale helping hand
It was a stormy night. A guy was driving in some mountains and his car broke down. He stopped it by a tree and walked down the highway looking for help. A headlight started to approach him from behind. He turned back and noticed a car coming forth very slowly. He walked up to it, opened the door, and sat on the passenger's seat. Then he suddenly notices that there was no driver, but the car was moving!
Before the guy could decide what to do, a sharp turn appeared a few meters before the car and it seemed that the car was going to go off the cliff. The guy trembled in fright, but a pale hand came in from the open window and turned the steering wheel! When the car finished turning around the curve, the hand withdrew. Every time there was a turn, the same hand would come in and guide the wheels of the car to safety.
The guy could not believe all this. As soon as he saw the lights of some rest stop by the road he jumped off the car and ran into a bar, pale, wet, trembling, and telling everybody that he had a most creepy, supernatural experience.
Then two young men dripping in mud came into the bar. One saw the guy and said, "Hey, that's the stupid fellow that got in our car while were pushing."
Before the guy could decide what to do, a sharp turn appeared a few meters before the car and it seemed that the car was going to go off the cliff. The guy trembled in fright, but a pale hand came in from the open window and turned the steering wheel! When the car finished turning around the curve, the hand withdrew. Every time there was a turn, the same hand would come in and guide the wheels of the car to safety.
The guy could not believe all this. As soon as he saw the lights of some rest stop by the road he jumped off the car and ran into a bar, pale, wet, trembling, and telling everybody that he had a most creepy, supernatural experience.
Then two young men dripping in mud came into the bar. One saw the guy and said, "Hey, that's the stupid fellow that got in our car while were pushing."
Nov 28, 2008
Henry Ford Dies, Goes to Heaven
Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention ... the Assembly line for the automobile ... changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want."
Ford thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." So the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God.
Ford asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?"
God asks, "What do you mean?"
"Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
5. Every 28 days it leaks fluid and is rendered out of service.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.
"Hummmm," replies God, "hold on a minute."
God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time, the computer prints out a report and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."
Ford thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." So the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God.
Ford asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?"
God asks, "What do you mean?"
"Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
5. Every 28 days it leaks fluid and is rendered out of service.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.
"Hummmm," replies God, "hold on a minute."
God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time, the computer prints out a report and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."
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