Can I make a call to my wife?

A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...

Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

WIFE says: No darling, it means:

With Idiot For Ever

I look at your picture and the problem disappears

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this."

Habit of talking in sleep

A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what should I give him to cure?

Doctor: Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake.

To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.

Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Angry wife to her husband

An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:
"Where the Hell Are You ...?"

Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It and I Didn't Have Money That Time and I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)

Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!

Husband: I'm in the Pub Just Next To That Shop.

Bloody English Language

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Husband: Sure, what are my choices?

Wife: Yes and no.

Lion bounced on wife

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.

WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!

SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera..

Part & Art of living

Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living...

But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.

Husband was seriously ill

Husband was seriously ill.

Doctor to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant and in good mood, don’t discuss your problems, no TV series, don’t demand new clothes and gold jewels, do this for one year and he will be okay.

On the way home..

Husband: what did the doc say ?

Wife: No chance for you to survive.

Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes to hell.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

Oral for an extra $20

An ugly guy walks into a bar and asks the best-looking woman if he can buy her a drink. She shouts, "No, I won't sleep with you, you disgusting pig."

A few minutes later, she apologizes, explaining that she's a psych student researching humiliation.

He shouts back, "What do you mean you'll do for oral for an extra $20?"

Multiple personality patient

A psychiatrist asked her multiple personality patient, "So, do you feel like you're cured."

He replied, "Absolutely. We've never felt better."

I can't make any friends

A woman goes to her psychiatrist and complains, "I can't make any friends, doctor."

He replies, "Why do you think that is?"

She answered, "I don't know, you stupid, fat, ugly idiot."

Olympic sex

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.

Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?

Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

Second time

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.

Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!

Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?

Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

Wait a Minute

Teacher: "How long is a minute?"

Student: "Which kind of a minute do you mean, Ma'am - a real minute - or "wait a minute"?"

Talk after sex

A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?

His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

A girl is like a radio

Girl: I'm like a radio, my mouth speaker, my left breast tuner, right one volume.

Man: Can I try?

(touches d breats)-no sound.

Girl: You haven't plugged in yet!