Singapore Army Jokes: Ways to Boost Recruitment

Seven ways the Singapore army is trying to boost recruitment: 1) Military transport flights now earn frequent flier miles; 2) Superiors can now be addressed as “Dude”; 3) Army walkie-talkies replaced with latest iPhones; 4) There’s always plenty of parking at the mall when you’re driving a tank; 5) Radar screen toggles with user’s Facebook page; 6) New uniform to be issued in Ermenegildo Zegna herringbone with silk Hermes lining; 7) Army rations now include freeze-dried Starbucks latte.

Get her the skin graft set

1: What does Megan want for her birthday?

2: get her the skin graft set

1: She is Hannibal lecter now? WTF

2: lol I meant the "skin care" set we talked about from Macy's

1: Put the lotion in the basket!!!

I'm in the bathroom with syphilis

1: Heyyy where are u

2: I'm in the bathroom with syphilis. P
2: Steph*++***** omg autocorrect

1: Hahaha what???

Coking up

1: I miss u, are u coming to bed soon?

2: yes coking up in one sec!

1: Coking up? WTF?
1: What r u, Lindsay Lohan now?

2: haha. sorry babe. COMING UP, not coking. there will be no coke.

I'm playing hooker with your dad

1: Note: Avoid FiberOne bars. They cause intense flatulence.

2: Will do!

1: Haha =]

2: I'm playing hooker with your Dad today!
2: No I meant hockey! Damn that auto correct!

1: Oh lord.

Iraqis

1: Please keep warm. Iraqis it will hit -23 tonight. Counting the days.

1: Not Iraqis. It was supposes to say "it says". I suck at texting.

Have cum for me too

1: My pleasure. Have cum for me too!!

2: LOL

1: Oh my heavens. That was supposed to be FUN. I am mortified!! I would never say that. I am sooo sorry...

2: Freudian slip LOL I got a good laugh

1: Not freudian.... Stupid fill in in iPhone!! Glad you found it funny. I am finding that embarrassing!!!

Buy you a casket

1: I just wanted to say: I love you!

2: Oh babe. I love you too. So much.
2: If I could, I'd buy you a casket.
2: Gah! A castle! Damn auto correct. Way to ruin a moment.
2: I definitely do not want you in a casket.
2: Hello?

Send fleas to the funeral

1: Centenary Methodist Saturday at 10am is Thoms Mothers Funeral. Her name is ****.

2: Do you want us to send fleas to the funeral. Or something to tom's house

1: I don't think he would appreciate fleas

I'm having a baby right now

1: I'm having a baby right now
1: Got damn spell check!!!
1: I'm having a beer right now

2: Lmao

Riding his bisexual

1: Can you come over in like 5 mins to watch the kids?

2: Sure... wheres John?

1: He's outside riding his bisexual
1: **bike! Omg! His bike. Hahahah.

2: Yiikes, sorry I asked. Haha

Assface

1: And quick question...what is the name of that place you get the carne assface from

1: OMG!!! Asada....my phone changed it to assface. Must text that too

Have some lesbian or lesgauna

1: Have some lesbian.

2: WTF???

1: Spell check I was trying to spell lesgauna

2: What?!? Lesguana???
2: Is that a cross between a lesbian and an iguana?
2: Lmfao

1: Spell check on this thing gave me lesbian

2: What is lesguana

1: Lol. Oi am crying

Bloody tampon

1: For christs sake stop leaving the bloody tampon!!!!!

2: What?? Where?!

1: Lmfao. The bloody lamp on, in the bathroom. Not the tampon. Laughing so hard. Can not breathe.

2: Ohhhh my goddddd. I was like WTF? I have my period so I was totally mortified. Lmao

Tell dad not to lick me out tonight

1: Can you tell dad not to lick me out tonight plz?
1: Oh god I meant to say 'lock me out' worst typo ever

2: Sorry? Type that again!

1: WORST TYPO EVER

2: Oh lord. I will do the latter. Scarred for life. Thank you.

1: Sorry. :-(

2: You have given me lolz

Sat in the frogs

1: Monday night jersey shore special

2: ohhh.. i didnt know they had that. but yea snookis nasty shit.

1: She had a rash on her ass so she sat in the frogs and announced she had to poop

2: she sat in frogs? and pooped? shits gross.

1: Oh shit that was autocorrect. She sat in the "fridge"

Cumming in his cubicle

1: I can't concentrate today. I don't want to be here!!!

2: Totally. I know.

1: Is john cumming in his cubicle? The sound is driving me nuts!

2: Omg. What are you hearing????

1: Bwahaha ***humming. Not cumming. Ewww

2: Please pass the brain bleach.

My husband just got head

1: Oh you know who I hate? That Andy guy on bravo who hosts those reunions.

2: I hate Oprah Winfrey.

1: I hate Guy Fieri.

2: Hahaha I could do this all day but I gotta go. My husband just got head.
2: Here! HERE!!!

1: That was hlarious. I dont hate autocorrect!

Erected

1: OM!! Modern Family is HILARIOUS tonight!

2: Yznzm'zjjs
2: Zdzwo

1: Haaaa! Thanks Collin!
1: Grandpa loves you. :D

2: Lol! Sorry! He had my phone when you erected!
2: Lol! Texted!! TEXTED!! sorry dad!

1: When I WHAT!

Feces navidad

1: I'm at my holiday party. Wooooo. Feces navidad!!!!

2: Wow. Talk about a party pooper! Hahah

1: :p I meant Feliz Navidad! Whoops!

2: Festive!