Diner: I'd like some coffee without milk.
Waiter: We don't have any milk, sir. How about coffee without cream?
May 9, 2009
May 8, 2009
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed
May 7, 2009
Jokes: Broken doll
Daughter: Mommy, little brother just broke my doll!
Mother: How did he do that?
Daughter: I hit him on the head with it
Mother: How did he do that?
Daughter: I hit him on the head with it
May 6, 2009
True music lover
How to spot a true music lover?
When a girl is singing in the bathroom, he uses his ears to listen instead of using his eyes to see.
When a girl is singing in the bathroom, he uses his ears to listen instead of using his eyes to see.
May 5, 2009
May 4, 2009
First day of school
Mother: So how was your first day of school, son?
Junior: It was all right, except for some guy called Sir who kept spoiling all our fun.
Junior: It was all right, except for some guy called Sir who kept spoiling all our fun.
May 3, 2009
Smoking cigarettes
Father: Junior, what did I say I'd do if I caught you smoking cigarettes?
Son: Dad, if you can't remember things, you can't expect me to help you out everytime!
Son: Dad, if you can't remember things, you can't expect me to help you out everytime!
May 2, 2009
Unshrinkable tie
Diner: Waiter, do you realize that your tie is in my soup?
Waiter: That's all right, sir. It's not shrinkable.
Waiter: That's all right, sir. It's not shrinkable.
Half brother
Visitor: So, young man, is this your brother?
Little boy: Yes, sir.
Visitor: He's very small, isn't he?
Little boy: Well, he's only my half-brother.
Little boy: Yes, sir.
Visitor: He's very small, isn't he?
Little boy: Well, he's only my half-brother.
May 1, 2009
Ride a bike
Father: Son, I see you have bad grades. Didn't I tell you I'd give you a bicycle if you passed your exams? What have you been doing?
Son: Learning to ride a bike.
Son: Learning to ride a bike.
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